Funny Stuff
Jonathon Epstein (epstein@wfu.edu)
Wed, 17 Jan 1996 10:58:43 -0500
>
>CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA
>
>Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients
>
>Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton
>announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of
>Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will
>provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is
>hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable.
>
>"For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr and
>Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world," Clinton
>said. "Today, the United States must finally stand up and say 'Enough.' It
>is time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their
>incomprehensible words. The US is proud to lead the crusade in this noble
>endeavour."
>
>The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel Storm by the State Department, is set
>
>for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny
>slated to be the first recipients. Two C-130 transport planes, each
>carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air Force
>Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the cities.
>
>Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the vowels.
>
>"My God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said.
>
>"I have six children and none of them has a name that is understandable to
>me or to anyone else. Mr. Clinton, please send my poor, wretched family
>just one 'E.' Please."
>
>Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a few key letters, I
>could be George Humphries. This is my dream."
>
>The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a foreign
>country since 1984. During the summer of that year, the US shipped 92,000
>consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae, and Aao
>with vital, life-giving supplies of L's, S's and T's.
>
>
Jonathon S. Epstein "Narf"
Department of Sociolgy Pinky
Wake Forest University
Winston Salem, NC 27109 "What is
epstein@wfu.edu narf"?
The
Brain